♡

today,
I found it a little hard
to find the courage
the courage to live on.

it felt difficult,
to even be breathing
to face people
to keep on the smile on my face.

i know it's selfish of me,
but
i really can't help it.

it's tough
it really is.

Jesus,
won't You just bring me home now?

Perhaps, everything really began to sink in; that the busyness will resume and the time for myself will lessen. But as I looked back to the summer, I felt that there was barely any difference. I was so preoccupied with fulfilling things that people have entrusted me to do, and all the time just went by without myself realizing.

I just felt so tired, so done with everything I was holding on to. What's the purpose? Am I really convinced of the reason behind the things I am doing? Am I really doing things right as how God wants me to?



Do I know how to say this word? I guess after having been through feeling of rejections from people, you understand the plight of people who ask you for favours - and you don't want them to go through the same feeling of disappointment that you've been through. And so you say yes, again and again. That's when you lose control of the amount of responsibilities and workload you're holding, and you snap.

For God to lead in this confused phase of my life. For Him to show me the direction that He wants me to go towards. For Him to bring me Home to Him.

I admit, there were countless times when I really wanted to return Home to be with the Lord. I felt the anticipation to meet Him. But I realized it was selfish of me to think this way.. because the main reason behind these thoughts is simply because of my fatigue from life. God created and placed me on this Earth for a very good reason, and every brand new day and breath is a precious gift from Him. My anticipation can stay, but I should be patient in my waiting and fulfill the purpose that He has called me to do.