♡

I thought it was going to be difficult, but it didn't turn out to be at all.

I admit, it felt a little hard at the start when I heard of it, but now it's happening, everything is going fine and well.

Can't believe that I actually did something that I thought I myself would never, but now after doing it.. I'm convinced that it's just in my nature from the past until now, that I don't really see the need for it. Since I tried and my stand still remains the same, I shall not attempt to make any changes to that as well lol.

Feeling rather "heartless" even as I type out how I truly feel, but honestly it's just a personal stance on what should be prioritized and what shouldn't be. I'd rather express myself through other means that I think are more meaningful, rather than ways that I don't align to.

Sometimes it's really easy to get absorbed into doing the "norms" and the "shoulds" , so the reminder for myself is to not conform to the patterns of the world, but always seek Him in all the decisions I make and stay true to myself and my beliefs aligned with His Word. :-)

To You, Lord;

Thank You,

For moulding me into an independent soul who still can function even without others, because of my dependence on You.

Because, You reminded me time and time again.

It's ultimately all about You.

Everything I have is Yours and should always revolve around You.

Only this way, things will start going on the right path.

Lord, let Your will be done.

If love endured that ancient cross
How precious is my Saviour’s blood
The beauty of heaven wrapped in my shame 
The image of love upon death’s frame

If having my heart was worth the pain 
What joy could You see beyond the grave 
If love found my soul worth dying for

How wonderful How glorious
My Saviour’s scars Victorious
My chains are gone 
My debt is paid 
From death to life 
And grace to grace

If heaven now owns that vacant tomb
How great is the hope that lives in You
The passion that tore through hell like a rose 
The promise that rolled back death and its stone

If freedom is worth the life You raised 
Oh where is my sin where is my shame 
If love paid it all to have my heart

When I see that cross I see freedom
When I see that grave I’ll see Jesus
And from death to life 
I will sing Your praise 
In the wonder of Your grace

It's suddenly feeling so real.. and I'm not as prepared as I thought I was.

But yeah, God reminded me that He hurt himself while holding on to my heart, and He still is. He finds it worthwhile.. so what's this compared to the great love from God?

rts: Look to Him in all thoughts, word and deed. 

Got restless while studying and decided to read back my old blog that I used during the secondary school years, and I'm shocked at the "lessons" and quotes I actually blogged about.. some of which are these:

1. I have so many things I want to tell you but I need to keep reminding myself that it’s not the same anymore. That it’s not right for me to want you to be here for me 24/7 like last time. That I cannot keep burdening you with all my problems even though you’re still as nice to listen to what I have to say and comfort me. That basically we are not who we were back then. We are not even we now, it’s just you and I. And I need to learn how to stop thinking of you and let go.

2. Life changes every minute of every day. You lose friends and you gain friends. You realize your friend wasn’t ever really your friend, and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love and you lose love. You realize all along that you’ve been loved. You laugh, you cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn’t done that. You then learn from that and are glad that you did. You have your ups and you have your downs. You see good movies and you see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just one big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad that you’re you. You love life and you hate life. In the end, you just find yourself being happy to be living life, no matter what is thrown at you.

3. Recently, I've been thinking, how awesome it'd be if we were still like the past. But whenever that thought pops up in my mind, another sentence comes to my thought immediately, "Don't ever look back."

4. SOMETIMES WHEN YOU’RE YOUNG YOU THINK NOTHING CAN HURT YOU. IT’S LIKE BEING INVINCIBLE. YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS AHEAD OF YOU AND YOU HAVE BIG PLANS. BIG PLANS. TO FIND YOUR PERFECT MATCH, THE ONE WHO COMPLETES YOU. BUT AS YOU GET OLDER YOU REALIZE IT’S NOT ALWAYS THAT EASY. IT’S NOT UNTIL THE END OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU REALIZE HOW THE PLANS YOU MADE WERE SIMPLY PLANS. BECAUSE AT THE END WHEN YOU’RE LOOKING BACK INSTEAD OF FORWARD YOU WANT TO BELIEVE YOU MADE THE MOST OF WHAT LIFE GAVE YOU. YOU WANT TO BELIEVE YOU’RE LEAVING SOMETHING GOOD BEHIND. YOU WANT IT ALL TO HAVE MATTERED. (sorry lazy to un-caps this lol)

5. I hate this feeling when I can feel myself and others slowly drifting apart and I’m trying to hold onto everybody but they aren’t holding on to me as tightly. At the same time, other people are reaching out to me and I’m pushing them away so I keep holding on to people who probably aren’t even worth it to begin with.

6. You can't go back & change the past, so look to the future & don't make the same mistake twice.

7. If you focus on what you've left behind, you'll never be able to see what lies ahead.

8. I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. When you feel as hopeless as can be and life is going nowhere, there are those moments we have every now and then when we get this feeling that can’t be described, but you get this rush and the world stops spinning for a second and everything is clear and at that moment, you just know. I need more of those moments.

9. Live this day as if it were your last. the past is over and gone. the future is not guaranteed.

10. Sometimes we waste our words and we waste our moments, and we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance.

11. That is all i want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.

12. "We never know what will happen but I believe good things happen every day. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And I believe on a happy day like today, we can still feel a little sad. And that’s life, isn’t it?"

13. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.

14. I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. it's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have.

15. The only people we can’t forgive are the ones we are still afraid of.

16. Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons.

17. The sooner you realize things will never be the same again, the sooner you can move on.

What did I even understand as a 13-16 year old to blog/reblog all these?! Now as I read back on these quotes, they speak so much more to me, but all from different experiences and emotions.. especially those in bold.

It's really so timely for me to come across all these. Definitely God's plan again. (Thank God!!)

A reminder for me that I should not look back again, to let go of the past fully and to remember to be happy in all that I do.

That was when I realized I'm growing attached to where I am now. 

However, that mixed feelings subsided eventually.. and it slowly became anticipation.

Right back there,

greeted by familiar faces, 

it felt right home almost instantly. 

The place where I returned to Him,

where I learnt many lessons,

where I grew a whole lot,

where I could lay down all my burdens and be myself.

"Home, finally home," 

with a part of me wishing that this would never end.

Really glad to be back after five months. I thought I had moved on, but I guess not. That feeling of 'home' just felt so reassuring.. but it was tough to pull myself away once again. Really miss all the times we shared together..

Through this, the Lord had given me a vision.. to make where I'm placed 'Home'. 

Not just for myself, but all of them.