have i really given up and moved on?
i admit
there are brief moments when i still think about it
the what-ifs
but, it's getting better
whatever it may be
may God guide in His way and His will.
take time
take time to look up
to the sky
and down at the earth
to be reminded of His power
He is able
And He enables
Dear Jesus,
I believe that whatever happens, You will lift me high above the pain. Nothing can harm me, because I have You.
When the storm rushes at me fast, when the flood threatens me - water rising, swirling hard - You save me. You set my feet on the high ground and You shelter me safely beneath Your wings. When lightning flashes and thunder booms loudly, You take away my fears.
The road is long, Lord, but when I grow weary, You carry me. You never leave my side. We're on this journey together, You and I, and I know that You will not fail me. When the pain overtakes me, You dry my tears. You give me courage to not give up. Always, You are the source of my strength.
You know where and how this journey will end, and You remind me that the sadness and pain is not forever. Dear Jesus, I cannot do this without You. From the deepest point of my heart, I love You Jesus.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
--from Jesus, I Need You
A prayer I was gifted with from God. Amazing, amazing grace.
from hours
to just one
from minutes
to a few brief moments
i'm getting there.
the tears will stop,
they will.
let go, zx.
let go.
a timely reminder during this downtime.
God is still there and He will always be.
“He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber”
(Psalm 121:3)
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/page/5/
i'm okay. i'm fine. i'm happy.
if i repeat these to myself enough, i'll be.
whenever i lose the courage to continue living,
if i repeat these to myself enough, i'll be.
whenever i lose the courage to continue living,
remind me that,
You're with me in this fight.
但是，
我真的好累
心，好累
day after day
disasters
tragedies
sorrow
happening all around
one after another
filling the news
we read in the comfort of our safe haven
as we read
what does our heart feel?
"that's sad"
our heart speaks
the pain
the suffering
the loss
the loss
still remains
we scroll
"not again"
we say
apathy
numbness
indifference
breeds deep down
breeds deep down
as we offer a prayer
is this where it should end?
is that all we can do?
Jesus
would You return now?
the world needs You
to end these brutalities
and for love to enter.
would You return now?
the world needs You
to end these brutalities
and for love to enter.
- starlight -
And there's no heart unseen
There's no space between
You and I
You are closer than
The very oxygen
I'm breathing in
Oh, I breath You in
You are God with us
You are here with us
Immanuel
You are infinite
Your glory has no end
Jesus
missing you tonight.
i admit,
it's tough.
not being able to tell you,
the deepest burdens within me,
but i know this is for the better.
let time heal the wounds,
and the scars buried within,
let God do His work.
right now, i'm just really deeply thankful to God for you in my life.
thank you for holding on to me even when i'm so imperfect.
you remind me of God's love for me, during the times i forget.
for that, thank you.
your prayers, encouragement and love spurs me on a whole lot.
i'll work hard,
to be a stronger me,
for God and my loved ones.
no more tears,
no more despair,
in God i will trust and follow.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2
Jesus,
I really need You.
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
and
Forevermore.
Let no earthly things cause my love, faith and hope for the One above to waver.
Lord, grant me the wisdom to do what's right.
"when there are downs, there'll be ups."
I told someone before.
Of course, that's glossing over the fact that with ups will come times of down too - all a cycle. but I'm really thankful that throughout all the ups and downs, I've numerous lovely ones who are the reason why I can continue to go on.
Sometimes I get to caught up in my down times that I miss those who are standing by me.. some days I feel too exhausted to hold anymore emotions for anyone or anything.
But they stay.
Throughout.
The very first person I'd really like to thank is my sister. I probably don't express this to her at all, but deep down I always feel very thankful to God for putting her in my life. Without her, I don't know how I'd have gotten through the past 2-3 years. Her ever constant and timely providence in my times of need even when she's feeling worn out herself is something that keeps me going. She's indeed my favourite human being in the world. Words just aren't sufficient to sum up all that she has done for me. Lots of love for you! *cringing*
Second, and probably kinda unexpected, to my brother. Tbh, he hasn't been the brotherly figure I hoped for when I was younger. In fact, he always bullied me and I didn't like him. There were times that I was so angry with him that I want to punch him in the face. Yes, literally. His immaturity despite being the eldest also pissed me off to no end. But in recent years, especially this year, his actions have moved me so much to the point of tears. Knowing his character and what he does for me just makes me go ???? Who is this man in front of me?! From paying my bills, treating me to meals, preparing food for me to bring to school and cooking meals for me... WHO IS THIS PERSON?! Lol. Okay it was rather gradual, but his every action has moved me so much. There was this once when we were at our grandma's and he suddenly called me into a room and told me, "Tell me how much you need okay, I really want you to have the full experience when you're there [at exchange]. I don't want to see you eating bread everyday there too." It came at a very unexpected moment and I wanted to burst out into tears once I heard it.. so I quickly rushed out of the room to my grandma. Thank you korkor. :')
Third, to papa. It's been a tough two years or so.. and seeing how you look so dejected everyday pains me. Yesterday, papa came into my room and showed me this huge blue-black he got from work.. "I don't have staff now so I had to do the moving by myself. And this huge metal block fell right on my feet when I was moving it. 好痛哦.." When I heard that, I really wanted to cry (again lol). Sigh. I may not agree with his mindset at times and some of the things that he did/is doing but it's just so heartwrenching to see him like that? And he's really another person who has been helping me so much throughout this period.. even though it hasn't been easy for him. From ensuring that I'll be filled every morning before class and that I'll get my lunch before rushing off to tuition, to sending me to school and sometimes even bringing me back.. and to bringing me to my favourite coffee shop to have my daily dosage of coffee.. thank you papa.
And mama. The silent supporter, but the one who ensures that I'm always in the pink of health to do the things I have to do. There was this once when I was feeling so unwell (to the point of not able to stand up straight) but I insisted on going for tuition.. because my kid's exam was the following day. She tried so hard to dissuade me and made herbal drinks for me to feel better.. which I finally gave in lol. Thank you mama too. :')
And granny lim. Tbh, I was much closer to grandpa in the past.. but ever since his passing, it made me learn how to cherish granny much much more. She's really so loving every time we head over, and thinks of us so much even when we're not physically with her. Thank you granny for being so supportive in every way that you can. Love you!!!
Opps this is getting too long. There's still a few others.. I shall continue another time haha. Back to my readingsssssssss.
joy,
let joy be.
.
.
can't wait to leave ...
let joy be.
.
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can't wait to leave ...