(cr: tumblr)

Here to update again. Can't believe how one month is gone just like that. With the start of February, it'd also mean.. it's about 1 more month to results day?

I've been trying hard to not think about it, and enjoy the current moment. But, with just one month before the verdict, I think I should prepare myself for it. I guess I won't want to have a mental breakdown after receiving my results.. but then again, how can I ever be prepared for the worst? I really thought that I tried my best already, and if it doesn't turn out to be as desirable as I want it to, how can I hold back the tears and say that "It's okay."? 

I've thought about all the possibilities.. if I can't make it. The thought of the other alternatives scares me to tears. I really can't imagine if I've no choice but to take up those paths.. would I even still be mentally sane to face all of that? I'm really so fearful of what will happen after March.. to make matters worse, I've never had a good experience while receiving my results for the major examinations I took thus far.. and there's this nagging feeling inside me that this will be no exception.

Ever since secondary school, I told myself I needed to work hard.. to not disappoint everyone who pinned hopes on me. Unfortunately, I've failed them time and time again. I really don't want to be so negative but.. I can't help it. I just can't even bring myself to imagine how I'd feel on that day.. the intensity will be so much more than during Os, which was bad enough for me then. Would I be strong enough to accept the fate that is already sealed for me?

Putting all the negative thoughts aside, 2015 has been amazing thus far. Almost everything is going smoothly with the post-As plans being fulfilled one by one. I hope it'll continue to be so, and with His lead, I'll follow. Really thank God for giving me an amazing start to the year, and always reminding me of Your power. 

"I'll be still, and know You are God."