♡

Dear Jesus,

I have a confession to make. At times, I feel afraid to entrust everything to You. I know that You love me and want only the best for me. Still, it's so hard to give up total control of every aspect of my life. When I have trouble, I'm eager to give You my problems. But when things are going well, I'm not as quick to give my everything away.

My concern, Jesus, is not knowing. If I give you my everything, I want to know what You plan to do with it. Will You make big changes? You know that I don't do well with change. Will there be valleys along the way and mountains to climb?

I should just trust You. I want to trust You more and more each day. Dear Jesus, I pray that you will help me with this. Teach me that I needn't be afraid, Help me give You my everything - all my heart and not just some parts of it. Take my hand and lead me, one step at a time.

Amen.

--

A prayer from a book I got back at Sydney and this is exactly how I'm feeling. I just felt so overwhelmed by fear till I'm doubting certain choices I made recently. But I forgot that doubting in the choices I made is equivalent to doubting God's plan for me. That should never be the way because that'd only mean that I'm not trusting the Lord with all my heart and I'm just depending on my own understanding based on societal influences. I need to remember that God is perfect love, and His plans for us are built on the basis of the love for us. Because He loved us, gave us His one and only Son so that we will be granted the gift of salvation. I need to constantly remind myself of God's vast and great love for all of us and trust in Him more. Remember that God has a greater purpose for all these ongoing changes.

Thank God for this timely wake-up call.

Currently doing my readings on the British rule in India back in the 1850s and I just found it amazing how God used it to speak to me. And here goes:

Not sure how others view Christianity as a religion, but I think that most people probably feel that it's a beautiful religion, especially with focus on topics like faith, salvation, love hope etc. However, are the ways and methods that Christians follow in line with what God has called us to do?

In the case of the missionaries in India, the missionaries spread the word of God by speaking offensive words about men of different faith, instill fear in people such that they'd listen to their preaching, insult followers and holy places of other creeds.

And what did these lead to? Upsetting and discontentment of the Indians which eventually lead to the Mutiny of 1857. Did they succeed in spreading the Word? Perhaps yes, people listened, but how many actually followed Christ eventually? I do not have the numbers but I'm sure that the attempts to conversion weren't that successful considering the current situation.

Reading this got me reflecting on myself and the Christians in the current world. Thought about the ways that modern Christians use to evangelize. Sometimes Christians today use similar methods, tainting and making rude remarks on other religions, be very imposing on people so that they'd listen to what you know about the Word.

But we need to remember the qualities that God exemplifies - love, faith and hope. Love constitutes the most important characteristic of all and that's also what we should be showing to others. By downplaying and saying ill remarks on others, are we showing the love that God calls us to live out? By forcing people to listen to what we want to tell them, are we still aligned with his commandments for us? It's not what we know and what you want to say, but how we live a Christ-like life that's filled with love, faith and hope. Living out your life based on these qualities is possibly one of the best way to say what you've to and show others how amazing and wonderful our Lord is. If us as Christians can't even live out what we say, who will listen to us and take our word as truth?

This is also a reminder for myself - to always be full of love towards others. Others may not always be kind and loving towards you, but remember that the Word tells us that we need to love all regardless of any situations. It is, and will be a tough challenge, but I will take it on with the Lord's constant providence.

My current desktop wallpaper. A much needed daily reminder for myself.

I've been getting too affected by the words of others recently.. allowing them to affect and hurt me. I guess it's harder because those words came from the people I dearly love. I know that they are going through rough patches in their lives, but it just hurts so much more when those words come from them.

I need to learn how to be stronger. I need to learn how to continue love them. It's going to be tough, but at the very least, I know God will guide me through it.

And really thankful for Michelle who dropped a text of concern. I'm really thankful to God for a friend like you who's always there for me at the times I need someone the most. :')

I can do this
I am stronger than this
I am able to overcome this

Don't let the thoughts consume you. It's just the fatigue working.

The past four to six weeks have been a rather draining one for me.. because I haven't had the time to be by myself properly...

Finally got that time on a train ride back home today, and I can't be anymore thankful for it. Quietened my heart and mind, and naturally, He came in and spoke to me through Jeremiah 33:2:

To be honest, I was struggling rather badly for the past few weeks. I felt like everything was consuming me with the need to face the ongoing problems that my loved ones are going through daily, the pressure of my students' grades and the fear of not being able to keep up in school. I could only keep on that smile and keep reminding myself that 'I'm able to overcome all these with God'.

I knew that I needed to continue what I had always been doing, to be there for those around me who needed me.. but I just felt so tied down by my own things that my heart was no longer there. I wallowed in self-pity and thought why do I have to continue doing so when I am already so drained and worn out myself.. but the Lord came in and reminded me that I still have Him, and He will always be there for me to spur me on.

The only comfort from all these trials is that through all these, it will strengthen my relationship with the Lord. He's the first one who comes to my mind whenever I feel like I can't go on, and I'm glad that I've finally learnt how to depend on the right One.. for He never fails in providing. :-)